The main problem in marriages is communication. We all think that once we get married that we automatically will become experts with communication. Communication is a lot harder than people think, because not many people put much effort into communication. We have a hard time putting in effort to communicate to where we don’t practice it, because we think it just comes naturally. More communication is seen through body language rather than actual verbal communication. If you are wanting to communicate a thought or feeling you first need to encode it in a way that the person receiving the message can decode it.
Communication can be seen through 3 types of media. You can use communication through words, tone, and body language. A lot of people communicate but miss using the media they are using. There can be differences in tone with words or words with body language. We use more non verbal communication than we use verbal communication. We tend to trust body language more than verbal communication when dealing with individual meetings. 14% of our communication is words, 35% of our communication is tone, and 51% of our communication is body language. When communicating through electronics, you only get 14% of the communication. You miss out on the other 86% of communication. You aren’t able to see the person’s body language and hear the tone of their voice while communicating with them. The more face to face communication you have the more you are understood and the more the other person is understood. Facetime is something people think will help have the 3 media communications, but there are times where there can be miss communications. The message may be encoded but not decoded on the other end, or the other way around.
Today, most of our communication is through calling on the phone and through texting. We hardly really go and talk to people face to face. Once phones became available calling became popular, then texting came along. We’ve found out that more people communicate through the media but communicate with fewer words. Due to the lack of communication, a lot of people find themselves isolating themselves away from people that they would normally communicate with. Culturally we have pushed communication away with the fear of the unknown. We try so much to avoid any kind of risks that we don’t put ourselves in situations where we have to communicate with other people. Because of social media you know a lot of what is going on with someone so that you don’t feel like you have to call them and see how they’re doing. You make the assumption of how they are doing by the things they post on social media. Using social media is used as something that can push people away. Posting all these positive things happening in your life can push people off reaching out to you.
Communication can also be hard with different cultures. A lot of the time they have a hard time encoding and decoding in ways that it can be understood. Some are more passionate while the others can be more laid back and chill. There can be a lot of misreading going on with the communication. There are a lot of understating and overstating that can happen. Once you learn to encode and decode each other's different communication, then it makes communication a lot easier.
Sarcasm has some challenges that are associated with it. It is very easy to misunderstand and hard to tell if it is sarcasm. A lot of people take it more personally and think it’s rude. You are sending messages in competing directions. Words in one direction while your tone and body language may be going another. Sarcasm is always problematic and can create wedges. Sarcasm is a form of dishonesty.
The Five Secrets of Communication are the things we see people do but not on a daily basis. Secret number one is the disarming technique. We find the kernel of truth in what the person is saying. Secret number two is thought and feeling empathy. Trying to understand what the person is saying as well as feeling empathy. Secret number three is Inquiry. Asking questions so that you make sure you really understand. Secret number four is the “I feel” statement. This is where you get to express your thoughts and feelings. Secret number five is stroking. Conveying to the person that their thoughts, feelings, and opinions are just as valid as our own.
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