How Do I Know?

The definition of an engagement is an agreement to be married. It is a promise to meet or be present at a particular place and time where you are asked to be married. We all know the classic engagement. The perfect set up, the perfect guy, the perfect ring, and the words “Will you marry me”. Everyone looks forward to this perfect day. However, engagements aren’t how they used to be. 

Today engagements have become more of a social media event. We are so focused on the pictures, the people that are there, and how the engagement looks that we don’t put much thought into the actual engagement. But how do you know they are the one?

Getting engaged is probably the most important decision you will make in your life. President Gordan B. Hinkley said “ This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry.” We must include the Lord when it comes to us making the decision on who to marry. 

When you are dating someone and it is getting more serious, couples who have a relationship that is progressing from a friendship to steady dating eventually will come to a crossroad. Your relationship can either end in an engagement, continuing steady dating, or it can come to an end. 

In Spencer W. Kimball's statement “Finding the Right One”. He talks about how there is likely not just one person that we are meant to marry. It is so important to know that there are multiple people that we are meant to marry in this life. 

A lot of people have the question on how early is too early for marriage? In “Making a Decision at the Appropriate Time” by President Harold B. Lee says, “I am not trying to urge you younger men to marry too early. I think therein is one of the hazards of today’s living. We don’t want a young man to think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family, to have an institution of his own, to be independent. He must make sure that he has found the girl of his choice, they have gone together long enough that they know each other, and that they know each other’s faults and they still love each other. I have said to the mission presidents (some of whom have been reported to us as saying to missionaries, ‘Now, if you are not married in six months, you are a failure as a missionary’), ‘Don’t you ever say that to one of your missionaries. Maybe in six months they will not have found a wife; and if they take you seriously, they may rush into a marriage that will be wrong for them.’“Please don’t misunderstand what we are saying; but, brethren, think more seriously about the obligations of marriage for those who bear the holy priesthood at a time when marriage should be the expectation of every man who understands the responsibility; for remember, brethren, that only those who enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage in the temple for time and eternity, only those will have the exaltation in the celestial kingdom. That is what the Lord tells us” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1973, 120; or Ensign, Jan. 1974, 100).

Getting engaged and finding the right person is something everyone looks forward to. It is important that we don’t just make it about sharing it all over social media, but making it more personal and sacred with the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. 

References
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (n.d.). Mate Selection. Retrieved February 16, 2022, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/eternal-marriage-student-manual/mate-selection?lang=eng&id=title25#title25

Roles Within The Family

 We always hear about there being roles within families. According to The Family Proclamation "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."(The Family Proclamation, n.d.). We learn what the responsibilities of the parent are but never the children.

Family roles can shape how we act around and with our family members. These roles can help create and maintain balance within our families (Family Roles |, n.d.). Roles within the family are constantly changing. Especially during the Reconstruction Period in the family. Kids can step up into roles when the family changes. These changes can be the result of a sibling moving out or getting married, or even just maturing with age.

The common family roles are: Hero, Rescuer, Mediator, Scapegoat/Blacksheep, Switchboard, Power Broker, Lost Child, Clown, Cheerleader, Nurturer, Thinker, and Truth Teller.

The Hero: This is the “good” and “responsible” child. This person is a high achiever, carries the pride of the family, and he/she overcompensates to avoid looking or feeling inadequate. He/she is often a good leader and organizer, and is goal-oriented and self-disciplined. Sometimes the hero lacks the ability to play, relax, follow others, or allow others to be right.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Rescuer: The rescuer takes care of others’ needs and emotions and problem-solves for others in the family. The rescuer might have difficulty with conflict. He/she takes on the role of rescuer in the name of helping others, though it is often to meet his/her own needs, such as relieving anxiety. This person doesn’t realize that sometimes helping hurts. He/she also lives with a lot of guilt and finds it challenging to focus on him/herself.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Mediator: The mediator can be a rescuer-type although he/she works to keep peace in the family system. This person does the emotional work of the family to avoid conflict. He/she acts as a buffer, and does it in the name of helping others, although it may be for his/her needs. This can be a healthy role depending on how the person mediates.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Scapegoat/Blacksheep:  This is the person the other family members feel needs the most help. Usually this is the family member in need of treatment or in treatment. This person often shows the obvious symptoms of the family being unable to work through problems. The person may have strengths such as a sense of humor, a greater level of honesty, and the willingness to be close to his/her feelings. Yet there can also be an inappropriate expression of feelings, and the person may experience social or emotional problems.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Switchboard: This person is the central information center in the family. He/she keeps track of what’s going on by being aware of who is doing what and when. This person has strength in being the central person to go to and understanding how the family is doing. However, this person focuses on everyone else’s issues rather than his/her own.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Power Broker: This person works at maintaining a hierarchy in the family with him/herself at the top. His/her safety and security with life depends on feeling in control of the environment around him/her.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Lost Child: The lost child is the subservient good child. He/she is obedient, passive, and hidden in the family trauma. He/she stays hidden to avoid being a problem. Generally, this person is flexible and easygoing. However, he/she lacks direction, is fearful in making decisions, and follows without questioning.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Clown: The clown uses humor to offset the family conflict and to create a sense that things are okay. This person has a talent to readily lighten the moment but he/she hides his/her true feelings.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Cheerleader: The cheerleader provides support and encouragement to others. There is usually balance in taking care of his/her own needs while providing a positive influence on those around him/her.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Nurturer: This person provides emotional support, creates safety, is available to others, and can be a mediator. He/she focuses on having and meeting emotional needs, usually in a balanced manner.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Thinker: The thinker provides the objective, reasoning focus. His/her strength is being able to see situations in a logical, objective manner. However, he/she may find it difficult to connect emotionally with others.(Family Roles |, n.d.).

The Truth Teller: This person reflects the system as it is. At times the challenge is how that information is relayed. Other members in the family might be offended or avoid the truth teller because of the power of the truth he/she holds. Strength occurs when this person is coupled with another positive role, such as a nurturer or cheerleader(Family Roles |, n.d.).

Now that you know the different types of roles in the family, you can go back and see what you are even your children are. It was fun for me to go back and see what role I have in my family and if my role has changed. I also loved going through to see what roles my siblings had. Their are so many roles that you can fall under in your family.

References

The Family Proclamation. (n.d.). Church of Jesus Christ. Retrieved January 22, 2022, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng

Family Roles |. (n.d.). InnerChange. Retrieved January 22, 2022, from https://www.innerchange.com/parents-resources/family-roles/

Importance of Family

     Having a family is something that almost everyone wants. Getting to experience the joy of having kids and starting a family is a goal people strive to achieve sometime in their lifetime. Having a family is the "purpose of our life." There are so many benefits that you can get from having kids.

    According to a new study, The American Birth Rate has declined for the sixth consecutive year in 2020. Resulting in the lowest number of babies born since 1979. In 2020 only 3.6 million babies were born in the United States during that time. This marked a 4% decline from the previous year before, says the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) National Center for Health Services (US Birth Rate Falls 4% to Its Lowest Point Ever, 2021).

    Why are fertility rates so low? Some people may say it's the fear of commitment, divorce, and responsibility. In today's society millennials have multiple fears of having kids. An article written by Kaya Gravitter titled, See Why Millennial Are Scared To Have Kids, talks about the fears millennial women have today when it comes to having kids. Some major worries these women have include being able to afford a child, or the worry of not being a good enough parent. There are so many fears that come from both these worries. Kaya Gravitter then asked multiple women that were considered millennials, to see what their thoughts on having kids were. Many came up with the same worries of not being a good enough parent. A 29 year-old woman who was questioned responded with, "I was always scared and wanted to adopt because this world is harsh, especially if you are a girl." Another 24 year-old women responded with, "I grew up in a
family of 6 children. I am the eldest, so I helped my parents a lot. I’ve seen and felt the sacrifices that you have to make as a parent to have children. I don’t know if it is because I am selfish or another reason, but that is what makes me not want to have kids. I also never had the “feeling” that everybody is talking about. So I don’t know.”(Gravitter, 2019). Becoming a parent, there are so many things you have to sacrifice for your children, but those are just some of the things that come with parenting. Having a family takes time, energy, and money as well as giving time, energy, and money.

    There are so many families that don't have the opportunity like most families to have children. If we are lucky enough to have kids, it is important to take advantage of that blessing given special to us by our Heavenly Father. Brigham Young said, " The children that we don't have may be sent to families where you could have given them what they don't have." God sent us here to replenish and multiply the Earth. He measures our success by following the guidelines of The Family Proclamation. There are so many endless blessings that we can receive by following The Family Proclamation and choosing to have a family of our own. We will always have those fears of whether we are good enough to become parents or not. Over the years being able to watch my parents raise all my siblings has taught me that it's okay to mess up. Messing up gives us more opportunities to learn and grow from our mistakes. No parent is perfect, but it's the effort and love they put in that makes them so great. In the end you will be able to see all the blessings having a family can bring into your life.

References

Gravitter, K. (2019, February 13). See Why Millennials Are Scared to Have Kids. Medium. Retrieved January 13, 2022, from https://medium.com/@gravitterkaya/see-why-millennials-are-scared-to-have-kids-21af0041ab82

US birth rate falls 4% to its lowest point ever. (2021, May 6). BBC. Retrieved January 13, 2022, from https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-57003722

About Me!

 Hi my name is Baylee Peterson! I come from a family of seven. I have two younger brothers and two younger sisters making me the oldest. I love anything that has to do with the outdoors, traveling, and sports. I was fortunate to go play college volleyball in Powell, Wyoming for Northwest Wyoming Community College for two years. I am currently majoring in Marriage and Family Studies, and I absolutely love it. I am excited to share with you all the things I will be learning about families!