Active Parenting is a very important thing that every parent needs to learn and know. Instead of waiting for the child to misbehave to react we need to focus on meeting their needs before. A parents' purpose is to protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive in the world we live in.
All parents and children have needs. Some of these needs can be needed more than sleep or food. The first need is a need for contact and belonging. When children are not touched, cuddled, or held then it can prevent them from growing up and developing properly. This has changed many philosophies on child development over the years. A study was done in a hospital where one side of the hospital lacked physical contact and the other had physical contact. The side of the hospital that lacked had kids that stayed sick. Once they changed how they treated the one side of the hospital compared to the other, there was a huge change in the other side getting better. One of the mistaken approaches that we have is undue attention or seeking. There are so many other ways to create contact. Contact can be offered in many ways if it’s through physical contact or even eye contact. A parent's response to contact is to constantly offer contact freely. Making contact with people in a setting that has no threat can make someone feel comfortable.
The second need that we have is the need for belonging. A parent's response to making someone think that they belong is teaching their children how to contribute. If they learn how to contribute at home then the more likely they are to contribute in outside groups and eventually their own marriage.
The third need is power. Some mistakes that can come from power are feeling like you need to have control over people and the feelings of being rebellious. As parents we need to realize that children need choices ( situation, appropriate, and age). With those choices there are consequences whether those consequences are negative or positive. Learning these will result in responsibility. It is important that as parents that we don’t interfere with making choices for our children. It could have positive as well as negative. Kids have choices at every age as long as it is age appropriate choices. Some parents give their children too many choices that they never really get to experience any consequences. Don’t let it get to the point where your child has so many choices that they are controlling the household. If kids know there are people that know better and are powerful then it gives a sense of security. Responsibility comes from age appropriate and situation appropriate choices that have consequences. You need to have natural consequences to the decisions that you make. Things where we don’t let the natural consequences take control: 1-Too Dangerous 2-If the lesson is too far in the future that it’s not useful 3-When it causes harm to someone else.
The fourth need is to have protection. We all need protection from physical harm and psychological harm. Revenge is the big mistaken approach that is taught to children. You get in revenge cycles to where you feel like you need to get even with the person. We need to teach our kids about assertiveness. You tell them the truth of how you are feeling and experiencing. Very often we are afraid to be assertive because we don’t want to be mean or in the wrong. It is a very vulnerable topic to teach but needs to be taught. We also need to teach forgiveness.
