Transitioning To Marriage

Transitioning to marriage can be very complex. Marriage is a huge change that a lot of people look forward to their whole lives. For most it may come unexpectedly, while others may over prepare for these life changes. Couples can go into these major transitions with no knowledge. It is very important that people are educated on what to expect during the early stages of parenthood and marriage. Being better prepared will help to limit the amount of problems people may face while entering these transitions. Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official and permanent. It’s the joining of two people in a bond that lasts until death (Marriage, n.d.). Marriage is a huge change that people have to adjust to. You aren’t only changing your status from single to in a relationship, but you have to change your whole living style. You are now living with another person that you share a bed with, bathroom, money, etc. There may be things that you have to change about your old living habits. You have to give up things as well as learning new things in order to grow as a couple.There are multiple tips that are helpful when adjusting to marriage. First, you get to live together. You get to go from living two separate lives to one. It’s exciting knowing you get to live with your spouse under one roof for forever. Second, you have expectations set for yourself as a spouse. As a spouse you set certain expectations for yourself in your relationship. You may have the expectation of having to cook for every meal. It is important that you communicate with your spouse on what these certain expectations are. Third, realize how different your families are. You and your spouse may come from completely different families and lifestyles. There are both healthy and bad habits that are picked up from each family. It is important to realize that, and to determine as a couple what works best for you guys. Fourth, communication is key. It is crucial that you and your spouse communicate. Communication is probably the most important thing in a relationship. “Whether it’s planning an event, making a big decision or being vulnerable, learning how to communicate as a couple is an important part of a healthy marriage. It’s no longer just you and your thoughts and feelings; someone else now needs to be intentionally brought into those parts of your life. But communication isn’t just about talking to talk; it’s about openness and intimacy,” (7 Tips for How to Adjust to Married Life, n.d.). 

Dating

  Dating is something every person looks forward to. Dating can be fun sometimes! Being able to meet new people, go out to new places, feel the excitement of a potential new relationship (Lane,2021). You get to experience multiple dates doing activities, while getting to know someone. I know I always looked forward to dating while I was growing up. I couldn't wait to get asked out on dates and experience what other 16 year olds were experiencing. But dating isn't like what it used to be. 

    Dating used to be where a guy or girl would ask a person that they wanted to get to know better. A date was then planned out and scheduled with the person of your choosing. Dating has changed a ton to where we don't even date. Dating has changed a lot over the course of history, and, while technology has certainly played a role in that, societal roles have also shifted and given way to more freedom, self-expression, and experimentation when it comes to getting to know a potential partner (Lane, 2021).

    There are so many positive things that you can learn from and about dating.

        1. You act less selfish

        2. Your stress levels are lowered

        3. Reduced risk of depression

        4. You feel happier

        5. You feel invincible 

        6. You feel like someone gets you

        7. You learn about yourself

        8. Your world is expanded

        9. You learn to compromise

        10. You can stay healthy together

A lot of the previous reasons why dating is good are things most people don’t even think about. Dating in today's society consists of hook ups or not even dating at all. We have the tendency to date people until we hate them or they hate us. We date exclusively when we aren't ready for marriage. We put all our eggs in one basket hoping that it’ll work out for the long term. If we aren’t dating exclusively then we are simply just “hanging out” 

Hanging out is the new dating in today’s world. We ask to hang out in fear of being rejected if we asked someone on a date. You put one foot in the door to see if you like hanging with the person or to consider talking to them longer with the possibility of another hang out. A lot of times it ends in ghosting. You stopped talking to the person, stopped answering calls and texts with no explanation. You avoid having an adult conversation that you aren’t interested in. This often leaves the person being ghosted very angry, hurt, and confused. You wonder what you did wrong and what made them decide to ghost you. This is the way this generation dates. Along with that, it has social media and technology involved. We get dating apps to make “dating” faster and easier. You match with people but don’t truly get to know them.

I know dating can be very hard and time consuming. A lot of people have it come easy to them while others take a long time to find that special someone. It’s a good idea to take your time dating while dating lots of people. Dating lots of people helps you to decide what you like and dislike about a person. In the end it helps you know exactly the kind of person you want to date and eventually end up being with. 

References

Lane, K. (2021, September 2). How Dating Has Changed Through History. The List. Retrieved February 11, 2022, from https://www.thelist.com/162252/how-dating-has-changed-through-history/

Renner, A. (n.d.). 10 Reasons Why Being In A Relationship Makes Your Life Better And Healthier. Lifehack. Retrieved February 11, 2022, from https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-reasons-why-being-relationship-makes-your-life-better-and-healthier.html

Impacts of Gender Roles

Gender roles can have a huge impact and shape almost all of our social interactions. Gender can shape how children learn, develop, and even how they choose to express their emotions.Gender roles influence how partners share household chores, how family members communicate with one another, and how parents interact with their children. Research shows that there are similarities and differences between the ways mothers and fathers parent their children and this can impact a child’s understanding of gender roles. Parents and caregivers shape children’s understanding of gender roles through a process called gender role socialization (Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 2). Gender roles can impact families in many different ways depending on the gender structure of the family as well as their social status, culture, and age. 

Research shows that how parents and caregivers teach children about gender roles can impact their learning outcomes and development: • Children are often treated differently when both girls and boys are in the household. Mothers tend to talk more with their daughters than sons, which may be related to girls scoring higher in reading and writing in schools than boys. Parents often assign chores to their children that are stereotypically for girls or boys or make a choice to equally divide chores regardless of gender(Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 2). 

The ways we teach our children about gender is super important. The Tripartite Model of Socialization: The Role of Parents, is a very helpful diagram showing how to be able to better understand and talk about what gender socialization looks like in families. 

Parents Interacting with their Children- Parents socialize gender roles by communicating, modeling behavior, and sharing activities with their children. Parents model similar gender roles by equally sharing child rearing responsibilities. For example, how parents divide household chores like child rearing, lawn care, or cooking dinner teaches children what being a girl or a boy looks like in a family (Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 3). 

Parents Teach their Children- Parents teach their children about gender roles by instructing them about what girls and boys “should” do. By encouraging or discouraging their children’s gendered behavior (or behavior that’s expected for girls or boys), parents shape how their children will behave in the future. For example, a boy who is often told that “boys don’t cry” will learn that boys should hide their emotions (Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 3).

Parents Provide Opportunities to their Children- Parents socialize gender roles by providing similar or different opportunities to their children. Restricting some opportunities for either girls or boys causes some children to be left out and made to feel different or strange. For example, when children are taught that some opportunities are only for either girls or boys, the girls that want to play football or boys that want to be cheerleaders may be teased by their peers (Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 3)

Educating our children as well as ourselves is so important. Especially during our society today. Over the past few years it has become more crucial in being more educated on gender roles and gender roles within families. I was never super educated on gender roles until I got older. I wish that was something that I learned when I was younger so that I could better understand. Now I have a lot more catching up to do as I learn more about what gender roles really mean and the roles that they play in families. 

References

Gender Roles in Families (Vol. 1). (2020). College of Public Health and Human Resources. https://orparenting.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/2020-06-16-Gender-Socialization-Newsletter-Practitioners-V2.pdf

Top 10 Things to know about Family Relations

1. Importance of Family

There are so many families that don't have the opportunity like most families to have children. If we are lucky enough to have kids, it is important to take advantage of that blessing given to us by our Heavenly Father. Brigham Young said, " The children that we don't have may be sent to families where you could have given them what they don't have." God sent us here to replenish and multiply the Earth. He measures our success by following the guidelines of The Family Proclamation. There are so many endless blessings that we can receive by following The Family Proclamation and choosing to have a family of our own. We will always have those fears of whether we are good enough to become parents or not. Over the years being able to watch my parents raise all my siblings has taught me that it's okay to mess up. Messing up gives us more opportunities to learn and grow from our mistakes. No parent is perfect, but it's the effort and love they put in that makes them so great. In the end you will be able to see all the blessings having a family can bring into your life. According to a new study, The American Birth Rate has declined for the sixth consecutive year in 2020. Resulting in the lowest number of babies born since 1979. In 2020 only 3.6 million babies were born in the United States during that time. This marked a 4% decline from the previous year before, says the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) National Center for Health Services (US Birth Rate Falls 4% to Its Lowest Point Ever, 2021).

2. Roles Within The Family

Family roles can shape how we act around and with our family members. These roles can help create and maintain balance within our families (Family Roles |, n.d.). Roles within the family are constantly changing. Especially during the Reconstruction Period in the family. Kids can step up into roles when the family changes. These changes can be the result of a sibling moving out or getting married, or even just maturing with age. The common family roles are: Hero, Rescuer, Mediator, Scapegoat/Blacksheep, Switchboard, Power Broker, Lost Child, Clown, Cheerleader, Nurturer, Thinker, and Truth Teller.

3. Family Immigration

After immigrating to the states, it can become hard for families to stay and deal with finances and hardships. Recently there was a study done on data from the Urban Institute's Well-Being and Basic Needs, Survey, a nationally representative internet-based survey that was conducted in December 2020 to see the effects, hardships, and the financial problems reported by immigrant families. Hardships and financial worries are common for those in families with nonpermanent residents, the group of immigrant families with children can also report avoiding programs because of immigration concerns. More than one quarter of adults had experienced problems trying to pay for bills for their houses, cars, and other needs.(Many Immigrant Families With Children Continued to Avoid Public Benefits in 2020, Despite Facing Hardships, 2021).  There are so many people and families that would sacrifice anything to come to the states to live the "American Dream." Families may leave their middle class status to have no status in a different country. A lot of families may have a good paying job, good house, and a good education. They put that all at risk to move their family in hope that it is the best thing for them. 

4. Gender Roles

Research shows that how parents and caregivers teach children about gender roles can impact their learning outcomes and development: • Children are often treated differently when both girls and boys are in the household. Mothers tend to talk more with their daughters than sons, which may be related to girls scoring higher in reading and writing in schools than boys. Parents often assign chores to their children that are stereotypically for girls or boys or make a choice to equally divide chores regardless of gender(Gender Roles in Families, 2020, 2). The ways we teach our children about gender is super important. The Tripartite Model of Socialization: The Role of Parents, is a very helpful diagram showing how to be able to better understand and talk about what gender socialization looks like in families. 

5. Dating

A lot of the previous reasons why dating is good are things most people don’t even think about. Dating in today's society consists of hook ups or not even dating at all. We have the tendency to date people until we hate them or they hate us. We date exclusively when we aren't ready for marriage. We put all our eggs in one basket hoping that it’ll work out for the long term. If we aren’t dating exclusively then we are simply just “hanging out.” Hanging out is the new dating in today’s world. We ask to hang out in fear of being rejected if we asked someone on a date. You put one foot in the door to see if you like hanging with the person or to consider talking to them longer with the possibility of another hang out. A lot of times it ends in ghosting. You stopped talking to the person, stopped answering calls and texts with no explanation. You avoid having an adult conversation that you aren’t interested in. This often leaves the person being ghosted very angry, hurt, and confused. You wonder what you did wrong and what made them decide to ghost you. This is the way this generation dates. Along with that, it has social media and technology involved. We get dating apps to make “dating” faster and easier. You match with people but don’t truly get to know them.

6. Marriage

A lot of people have the question on how early is too early for marriage? In “Making a Decision at the Appropriate Time” by President Harold B. Lee says, “I am not trying to urge you younger men to marry too early. I think therein is one of the hazards of today’s living. We don’t want a young man to think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family, to have an institution of his own, to be independent. He must make sure that he has found the girl of his choice, they have gone together long enough that they know each other, and that they know each other’s faults and they still love each other. I have said to the mission presidents (some of whom have been reported to us as saying to missionaries, ‘Now, if you are not married in six months, you are a failure as a missionary’), ‘Don’t you ever say that to one of your missionaries. Maybe in six months they will not have found a wife; and if they take you seriously, they may rush into a marriage that will be wrong for them.’“Please don’t misunderstand what we are saying; but, brethren, think more seriously about the obligations of marriage for those who bear the holy priesthood at a time when marriage should be the expectation of every man who understands the responsibility; for remember, brethren, that only those who enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage in the temple for time and eternity, only those will have the exaltation in the celestial kingdom. That is what the Lord tells us” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1973, 120; or Ensign, Jan. 1974, 100).

7. Transitioning to Marriage

Transitioning to marriage can be very complex. Marriage is a huge change that a lot of people look forward to their whole lives. For most it may come unexpectedly, while others may over prepare for these life changes. Couples can go into these major transitions with no knowledge. It is very important that people are educated on what to expect during the early stages of parenthood and marriage. Being better prepared will help to limit the amount of problems people may face while entering these transitions. Marriage is the process by which two people make their relationship public, official and permanent. It’s the joining of two people in a bond that lasts until death (Marriage, n.d.). Marriage is a huge change that people have to adjust to. You aren’t only changing your status from single to in a relationship, but you have to change your whole living style. You are now living with another person that you share a bed with, bathroom, money, etc. There may be things that you have to change about your old living habits. You have to give up things as well as learning new things in order to grow as a couple.

8. Parenthood

Parenting and parenthood are two completely different things. Parenting is the process of raising and educating your children, while parenthood is the state of being an actual parent (Parenting Vs Parenthood - What's the Difference? | WikiDiff, n.d.). There are so many myths that can prevent couples from entering parenthood. The common myths are that mothers should be calm, grateful and confident. Mothering is intuitive and comes naturally. Childbirth is to be embraced and celebrated in its entirety. Mothers bond with their babies immediately. A mother is selfish if she expresses her own needs. A good mother is always available to her child. Couples always agree on approaches to parenting. And birthing a healthy baby brings closure to all prior pregnancy related losses (Adjusting to Parenthood - After Birth, n.d.).  We sometimes set the expectation that we aren’t going to be good enough to be parents. This is so far from the truth. We may set certain expectations, but in the end we may surprise ourselves with how prepared we actually are. In reality, no family is exactly the same. Parents all have their own way of handling parenthood even if it isn’t the way most people may do it. 

9. Problems of Communication

 The main problem in marriages is communication. We all think that once we get married that we automatically will become experts with communication. Communication is a lot harder than people think, because not many people put much effort into communication. We have a hard time putting in effort to communicate to where we don’t practice it, because we think it just comes naturally. More communication is seen through body language rather than actual verbal communication. If you are wanting to communicate a thought or feeling you first need to encode it in a way that the person receiving the message can decode it. 

10. Needs

All parents and children have needs. Some of these needs can be needed more than sleep or food. The first need is a need for contact and belonging. When children are not touched, cuddled, or held then it can prevent them from growing up and developing properly. This has changed many philosophies on child development over the years. A study was done in a hospital where one side of the hospital lacked physical contact and the other had physical contact. The side of the hospital that lacked had kids that stayed sick. Once they changed how they treated the one side of the hospital compared to the other, there was a huge change in the other side getting better. One of the mistaken approaches that we have is undue attention or seeking. There are so many other ways to create contact. Contact can be offered in many ways if it’s through physical contact or even eye contact. A parent's response to contact is to constantly offer contact freely. Making contact with people in a setting that has no threat can make someone feel comfortable.